Take it to the tweets - Russell Brand and the ReLOVEution

At the start of Russell Brand's new video to promote his new book ReLOVEution, we are asked a pretty provocative question: "Are you happy with the way things are?". Well of course not! We want to rebel! please show us how Russell!

Thankfully Russell and his team manage to engage the wisdom of the general public via the medium of twitter to give us some very pragmatic advice, which is then projected onto the sides of buildings, which makes it look all cool and that.

For example, @buddleibar tweets "Ask for the truth in every way, and then follow the flow, and keep asking, asking, asking, you'll know".

Great advice there! And so simple! All we've got to do is "follow the flow"! Now why hadn't I thought of that?!

Also: "Be None of the Above Join the #ReLOVEution Reject the system". More illuminating words of wisdom from rebel operative @NoneAboveUK. Also playing fast and loose with the rules of grammar too: He'll put a capital letter wherever he damn well pleases! Just like a young rebel should!

But perhaps my favourite of all is "We need change". What a perceptive remark from @joshyouher!

Obviously we're beginning to get very deep into some complicated political thought here. But to properly understand politics would probably take a lot of time and be very boring, so I'm glad there are others in our cause to do that work for me. For example, I'm sure whoever came up with the line "all else has failed" had done some pretty detailed research into the political history of Britain and - for reasons perhaps only properly understood by this prophet of our times - has decided that such things as the welfare state and the whole history of parliamentary democracy were just a load of old codswollop!

That's right, let's smash the system! After all "The people who say the system works, WORK FOR THE SYSTEM" and its not as if we even need it anymore - not now we've got this whole new rigorous and progressive ideology to hold on to!

[JN]

Advice for Scots

[Image taken from - without permission of course! - the film 'Braveheart'.]

One of the most important lessons a young rebel must learn is that WINNING IS FOR LOSERS. Take Obama for example. He was black. A bit of a headstart in the old counter-culture game. Unfortunately he had to go and ruin it all by actually winning the election and becoming president! Such a pity...

Now currently here in Britain we have our very own little Obama causing controversy on the political battleground: Alex Salmond, leader of the Scottish National Party.

We here at Rebel Army HQ are of course staunch supporters of the SNP but there are growing concerns within our ranks that the 'yes' campaign may be too well organised and that the SNP might actually win! If this dire outcome should come to pass, the SNP would regrettably lose their noble underdog status.

So our message to the Scots would be to throw all your support behind the 'yes' campaign leading up to polling day. Shout about it on the streets, rally the troops on the internet, but when you actually get inside that voting booth and see the ballot paper in front of you, make sure you vote NO!

[JN]

The Invisible Enemy

Look closely at this picture Rebelteers. For this is what I was presented with on a Rebel Army reconnaissance mission last weekend. Does everything seem fine to you? The billboards? The strip club? The endless rows of gaudy shop signs? All perfect symbols of The Great Rebellion's success in occupying Britain's High Streets. But look a little closer and you will see something rather more sinister... a church!

That's right! How on earth could we have let that one slip?! Just when it seemed we'd got things all sown up I realise that there is so much work still to do! This is no time to be resting on our laurels, Rebel comrades! A church on the High Street?! Is nothing sacred anymore?!!

Those slimy Christians are experts at hiding in plain sight. Only earlier today I sat down to eat my lunch and admire the view of a newly opened branch of Topshop. As I took a bite of one of my Rebel sandwiches, I realised to my horror and disgust that I was perched on the ancient wall of a church!

I consider it extremely sneaky of those Victorian architects, to design buildings that would blend into their surroundings so well that they would not be seen – the crafty swines! These buildings do not draw attention to themselves at all. They do not stand out, or make a “statement” like a building should. But they are definitely there.  Once your eyes are opened you suddenly realise – these things are everywhere! So watch out the next time you sit on a wall to eat your lunch – you may be sitting right next to a church!

Stay alert Rebelteers and perhaps soon we will see the day when we flush them all out, once and for all, in the name of freedom, liberty and progress! HURRAH!

Yours in Rebellion,

Major Gripes

[JN & VG]

Global Times sticks it to the UK

Congratulations to the Global Times, the state-run Chinese newspaper who have been sticking it to the UK this week. The prestigious publication described the UK as being "only good for studying and tourism", and "a country of old Europe with a few decent football teams". The paper is to be congratulated. This is how a nation should conduct its propaganda - big , bold and bolshy!

Some would suggest that the Global Times' position as a state-run propaganda machine would discredit its claim at any kind of legitimacy. But not me! The Global Times is totally within its rights to lecture the UK about global power, and is in no way the mouthpiece of a corrupt totalitarian regime!

If only the UK could be more like China, not weighed down by things like equality, justice and workers' rights. The Brits pine for those days when they could swagger around the world upsetting people, with no thought of what this would mean for their descendants. Perhaps they could emulate the Foxconn factory in Longhua, practically enslaving poor people in a pitiless work regime which leaves them so bereft that they have to commit suicide to make their voices heard!

Oh wait - I've just remembered! The UK has already done all that stuff. That's what led it to being the rebellious nation it is today. China, you've just begun your rebellious quest. You've got a long way to go before you reach the rebellious heights the UK has - but we know you'll get there in the end! 

[VG]