Fifty Shades of Great Britain

Readers, I could not in all conscience let this week pass without commenting on the rebellious phenomenon Fifty Shades of grey. What a joy it is to witness this noble endeavour, bestowed on us by selfless Brits Sam Taylor-Wood and EL James, the new dynamic duo of literature and film. No longer are we to be known as the country of Dickens and Shakespeare. Instead, the United Kingdom is to be renamed Fifty Shades of Great Britain, in a tribute to this tag-team who have put us back on the cultural map. Look upon this picture of Sam Taylor-Wood, as she skips down an LA street, revelling in the joyous knowledge that she has done right by her country. The days of making boring video art are behind her now. Her face says it all: "Now I can look my children in the eye. When I die, they will say of me, 'She did something'".

Who would have thought in those dark oppressive days before 1960, that we would one day gaze upon a Britain which had scaled the dizzy heights of cultural advancement which we now have! Who would have dared to dream that B&Q would have to steady itself for the hordes of people storming their outlets to pick up rope and gaffer tape, in a daring emulation of the film, nay, institution that Fifty Shades has become? You will pardon me, I'm sure, as I shed a tear of joy at this momentous occasion. Naturally I myself am a fan of the book, having snapped up a copy as soon as I identified the rebellion inherent in this work of art. I made an exception to my "No Reading" rule and pored over every rebellious detail. We have come a long way, you and I, since the days of Lady Chatterley's Lover, the only real rival to 50 Shades' crown. Think of Chatterley as the Obi Wan to 50 Shades' youthful Skywalker. Now we know that nothing can stop us in our mission to "Rebelise" the country. We will not halt until every single person on this sceptred isle is a handcuff-wielding pervert! Onward I say! Onward to Freedom!

[VG]